If we ask ourselves how could we improve our lives, believing that miracles will appear overnight, looking for explanations and those responsible outside of us, we forget an essential aspect – that many things are in our power and are at our fingertips. How many times have you tried to establish a target and see how difficult it is to get there? Maybe you have thouht that you are not doing the right thing? Undoubtedly, the chance intervenes and often the external circumstances also matter when it’s about reaching goals.

Why many people don’t reach their goals?

But why do we always look for circumstances that explain why we didn’t get to a point? What determines us to believe that others have had a different context that has helped them to achieve their goals? We often forget to look at what others are doing, what their strategy. Very often we do not see the work, the effort, the consistency with which they pursue their goals. Something we forget is the fact that they exceed the average population in certain areas. It is mostly about focus, effort, involvement and dedication.The vast majority of people prefer to adopt the theory of the external locus, that explains their failures by external factors – they are not in the right place, the authorities are to blame, other people are responsible. They are never responsible and nothing depends on them. Up to a point it is very comforting to be in the position of the victim, to believe that everything is in the context, that we can not have an impact. This is only a way to resignation and learned helplessness. Because that’s what it’s all about: while telling us that nothing depends on us, we start to believe about ourselves that we are helpless, victims, that our lives are random.

We need to be realistic regarding where we stand and how we are

We often have a subjective opinion about ourselves – either we think we are doing too little compared to others, or that we are doing too much and we deserve more. Many times, what we lack is a reference to help us realize where we stand, what skills we have and what possibilities do we have on the road we are on. It is so demotivating to be without landmarks in both situations. I honestly believe that underestimation or overestimation only distracts us from reality and demobilizes us. When we believe that we have done everything that depends on us and that fate has been against us, let us take another look at what we have really undertaken. Let’s ask for feedback from others and let’s try, in other words, to look for a benchmark. Living with the illusion that we are doing everything that depends on us and even more than the average, keeps us captive in the belief of unfaireness.We often do not look at our results, we do not look at the impact we really have, but we feel “entitled” without realizing the illusion of our uniqueness. We forget to be realistic, to look at the population we belong to. A dose of realism, of correct comparison to really objective landmarks, helps us from two perspectives: first of all to know who we are, what we can and secondly what we still have to do to develop ourselves further.

We always have the window open to self- development

However, few of us are those who take an active role in developing, few are those who strive for “extra miles” and who want to improve. Texts like “it’s not ok to put too much pressure on you”, “perfectionism is negative and blocking”, we distort the idea of ​​development, and self-optimization. It is easier and more comfortable to accept less. But what we don’t want to see is that if we want development from all points of view: personal, professional, financial, etc. – we need to strive for “extra miles”, to do something to differentiate ourselves from the big table, to overcome mediocrity from a certain point of view. Those who sell the “illusion” of a better life that happens by magic or through quick fixes feed our emotional need for immediate gratification. Beyond the immediate gratification is only momentary satisfaction and stagnation in sensations and emotions. We need to increase our level of rationality in order to have a better life, to integrate and transcend our emotions and to be able to move to a higher level.