Do we need to have a certain capability for receiving love in our lives, to be in a certain way? If you stand in front of a mirror, in front with yourself actually, are you thinking that you are not worthy for receiving the love you’d need. What might impede you to be worthy for that? It’s for sure, something that you are not aware of, but you feel deeply that maybe you are not enough. Or maybe you would feel very vulnerable by offering you the possibility to be loved by others. You have mixed feeling related to this topic: by one hand you would like to have love in your life, but by the other you don’t feel that comfortable in giving you permission to have such feelings.
You are struggling to give love, to offer your care and your attention, because you’ve been hurt so many times, since your childhood till present, so that you cannot trust others anymore. But before being able to offer your love (even though you might think you are), it is very important to love yourself enough, so that you are able to spot what’s best for you. Not loving you enough blocks you to offer to others love and care, because you are doing it as a duty and not as a joyful experience, unconditionally. Maybe some experiences from the past don’t let you experience the love you’d wish, you feel responsible and guilty. It’s time to forgive yourself and to move one with your life. Even though members of your family had a toxic life, being unhappy, you deserve to build your own life and to allow you to enjoy it! You cannot offer love and sometimes you are playing hard-to-get because deep down you are terrified of being hurt, and this keeps you in control.
Why are you pushing love away? Sometimes we do this because we think that nothing is for free. We are afraid of receiving gifts in any form, be they material, emotional or spiritual, because we feel indebted. What should we do in exchange of receiving love? We are not used to receive anything freely, because our life experiences thought us that for everything we need to exchange something or maybe receiving something from someone will create an unequal relationship. This is mostly based on our attachment style, which has ben formed during our childhood. Overall, the researchers found that women and people with insecure attachment styles tended to play hard-to-get and like this to push love away. Sometimes being very insecure (anxious o avoidant) we adopt this kind of strategies of game-playing. Researchers from University of Kansas found that people with strategies of playing and pursuing have different reasons for their behaviors, like controlling or self-protecting. It is very obvious that our vulnerabilities are shaping the way we are handling our relationships, the way we perceive intimacy and the way we initiate relationships. Even though these strategies might help to initiate intimate relationships, there is a high risk of not receiving the love we need, of not succeeding to build a healthy long-term couple relationship. Therefore, it is necessary to take a look with more genuineness to our vulnerabilities in order to repair something there.