In case of women, self-love becomes to often a struggle, when in fact it should be a natural, normal process. In order to overcompensate, women end up manifesting some apparent self-love, through which they revolt to assert their rights and desires, to gain a so-called equality with men. Is this true self-love? We can realize that it is in fact frond, rebellion, ferocity against norms and conventions, very often with the rejection of the deepest nature of women. It is so difficult to assume our femininity, our authentic nature in an environment where the first reaction is to be competitive, to revolt and to avenge years of submissiveness and obedience for the women who preceded us.
By making this transition from submissiveness, docility to an aggressive form of affirmation, we fail to find balance with ourselves. We are far from being in touch with ourselves, with what we need, but we seem to be driven by a reparative mission for so many generations of women who have suffered before us. We have the impression that a good woman, in contact with her own femininity, is the one who manages to take care of everyone: family, child, partner and very often less of herself. We mistakenly associate femininity with self-sacrifice in favor of anyone else, believing that the good of others means our own good as women. And this is because we seldom see that we care about ourselves or that our desires and dreams come to the fore. Too often women give up dreaming, hoping and believing in themselves. What would it mean if instead of being obedient to rules and conventions, we stubbornly followed our dreams, we would not give up what we want deeply and we would not let anyone tell us how unimportant is what we want?
Far from preaching a superficial selfishness, a reactive ferocity and revolt, women need to accept themselves more, to allow themselves to take care of others when they feel this and at the same time to take care of themselves. Do not look fiercely for competition with men, but look more closely at what they become in relation to the way they were a few months or a few years ago. To believe more that they are like any other human being and human nature is what allows them to feel, suffer, hope and be rational at the same time. If caring for others does not come as a duty or after complying with social rules and conventions, but comes as a natural impulse from the depths of our women’s Selves, only then is our behavior genuine and truly reflects our feminine nature. Too many women today feel their motherly and partner duties as a kind of chore to which society and nature have oliged us, which often leads to exhaustion, stress and burnout.
When there is no coherence between what we feel, think and do, we consume much more energy and we are far from being in a flow and doing things naturally. We put more effort, we strive harder and we are in contradiction with our essence. We are forcing ourselves into a “bed of Procust” or face so many contradictory rules that will want us mothers and wives and partners, but also intellectuals and with a professional career. We live in so many contradictions that it is so difficult to realize what we really want. Our needs and desires are barely audible and it is no wonder that our well-being is deeply affected and that we risk to hand over the burden of sacrifice to our children, whom we burden with unconscious debt.
We mistakenly think of ourselves as a good person, but we forget to take care of ourselves, our energy, and we are so far from the inner balance we have long dreamed of and sought. If we want to be good and perceived in our relationships with others, it is important to be consistent – our behavior to be in line with what we feel and think, to be authentic. Others will feel that there is a coherence between all these sides – the observable side, of our behavior and the invisible side – of our thoughts and emotions and this will secure them, create a state of well-being, help them connect with us. At the same time, we will be able to manifest ourselves as our true nature dictates.
Let’s not reject our femininity, but be genuinely available to the men in our lives, without involving psychological games, without disguises and defense mechanisms. Beyond roles and masks, our relationships will become more transparent, more open, and more authentic — we will feel safe to express ourselves, to manifest, and to assert ourselves, and we will let others do the same. This does not mean canceling out the rational, active part from us, but also not conforming to a model that brutalizes us and burns us out. When we accept our true femininity, we give up loyalty to other women in our lives – known or unknown, present or past. We do not continue the torture, even if it means betraying them on a symbolic level. We begin to allow ourselves to be happy, to be truly women, to be truly open to a man, to be more than working mothers, daughters or women. We start to really enjoy more, without feeling guilty anymore, we start to get creative, to free ourselves and to build our life!