The Couple Shouldn’t Be The Place Where Our Dreams Are Dying  

Despite the fact that the family should be the place where we feel safe to follow our dreams, why does it so often happen that it is the opposite that occurs? I believe that our families should be a place where we are heard, seen, accepted, validated and encouraged to be the best we can, because we are surrounded by love, acceptance and validation and even encouraged to be better and to achieve all that we can. In my view, potential includes all the dreams that may seem strange and even unrealistic to others from the outside world, but which are still very important to us because of their relevance to us.

Later on in life, we all have high expectations of having partners who will support us, encourage us to pursue our passions, and accept us for who we are. As humans, we are different from one another, even though we are part of a bigger system represented by the family, sometimes it happens that the values and ideals of the family are different from the ones we have. It is very rare that we receive acceptance from our families when we choose to pursue our dreams and seek alternative methods of achieving them, instead of those that are confirmed and socially accepted.

Unfortunately, families tend to be environments where dreams die, because there is no place anymore for personal dreams and for the development of an individual’s identity within them. It is such a pity that people are limiting one another, instead of searching for opportunities for development and freedom for themselves! Generally speaking, the conventional way of doing things is safer and more rewarding, whereas following the path of fulfillment is a much more risky path to take.

Almost everyone believes that if we limit one another, then everything will be secured for ever, and we will live happily ever after and the family and couple will have a great time forever. In order to love and respect someone who is different than you, to accept that they are a different human being with their own aspirations and dreams, and even with their own objectives that might differ from those of the family, is the highest form of love and respect. Naturally, this is a process that requires a certain level of emotional and mental evolution and a certain level of personal development and self-awareness. It is obvious that not having the same need for personal evolution and differentiation impedes us from accepting that the other is in a different phase of his/her development than we are.

It sometimes might be very frustrating to tolerate all these differences among us, as well as to comply with the limits that have been imposed upon us and to let go of our dreams. Although we may all have the illusion that we are fulfilled by our relationship, in order to achieve this, first of all we need to define our identity and in order to do that, we must follow a path of self-discovery, to find out more about ourselves. Having a true understanding of ourselves, what are our capabilities, what are our preferences and our deep essence, will help us to be more available for a committed relationship. There is a possibility that this self-discovery process could take place within the relationship, if the other partner also recognizes the importance and is also going through a similar process.

In a situation where a couple or a family have become a stagnant place where development isn’t happening, why would it be a good idea to stay in such a setting? The objective question is so obvious that we should all acknowledge that if our personal development is hindered and unsupported by our family or by our partner, it is better to cut these toxic relationships. It is much better to face the difficult, but rewarding decision of being on our own. Taking the decision is not an easy task, as it comes always with guilty feelings, anxiety, a fear of the unknown, but deep down it is motivated by the need that we all have as human beings – to build our existence and evolve.   

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